What if condoms had temporary tattoos on the inside like you rolled off the condom and there was a picture of a dinosaur on your dick
In my life, I have been quite a fan of superheroes. A big one, in fact. Anything ranging from DC Comics to Marvel, to anime and beyond that. My biggest weakness, in truth, is none other than the legendary Dark Knight himself. Watching episodes of the animated series vigorously, collecting the toys, looking things up on the internet (which was in it’s baby shoes). I didn’t fully grasp the duality of Batman as I do now, but I always loved the Noir-esque feeling it gave off.
Through the Bat, I came into contact with the larger world of DC. I was surprised that heroes such as Wonder Woman and Superman were actually in the same world as my hero. Naturally I delved into these stories as well, but the Batman always was my favorite. Simply because he was, though a self proclaimed rich kid with LOTS of issues, just a man.
Recently, I started delving into alternate universes. I’m a pretty late ball to that game, as I never was a fanatic on superheroes (difficulties had me elsewhere with my thoughts), and as such I never got to read all the extensive shorelines. I am not familiar with the Black or White Lanturn corps for example. I never knew what Wonder Woman her origins were, or that there were more than one heroes that called themselves Flash. I just stuck with Batman for a long time, memorizing every villain, watching every episode and film.
Perhaps my biggest induction to the full DC universe was The Batman, created by Michael Goguen and it ran from 2004 to 2008. Season 4 of this series introduced us to J’onn or the Martian Manhunter. As they fended off an alien invasion and season five started, the core members of the Justice League got their screen time and I was intrigued. After this series, I started watching JLU, reading on everything I missed, etc… There’s still tons of things I have not read thus far but I’m getting there.
Earlier this year (2013) came a video game I was quite thrilled to buy, going by the name of Injustice, Gods Among Men. This game presented me with an alternate timeline that I was already familiar with, due to JLU. It showed us a world where Superman had finally snapped and killed one of his adversaries (Joker, as opposed to JLU’s Lex Luthor) after the death of a loved one (Lois Lane as opposed to Flash). This sent their world into a regime of tyranny by the meta humans of the world, led by Superman. Then proceeding to try and invade our world, the game resolves quite spectacular and even had me grasping for breath in shock. The manner in which Shazam (Captain Marvel) died was just brutal. More than that, it was horrifying.
This made me thinking of all the brutal deaths I had already seen in Superhero lore. I vividly remember reading the death of Spiderman at the hands of Sandman in one of the Marvel Zombie issues. Grotesque, but then again it was a zombie comic. I could not expect less.
A month ago, the seventeenth movie from DC Universe was released.
The Flashpoint Paradox, an adaptation on the 2011 storyline Flashpoint.
This movie gave us a great example of Chaos Theory, specifically the so called Butterfly Effect. Change one thing, change everything so to speak. It shows us Barry Allen as Flash who goes back in time and saves his mother. This event ripples out across time and changes the entire course of events. Small things at first, such as Iris never being married to Barry and Barry’s mother being alive. But as the movie progresses, the big changes come. Barry never got in touch with the Speedforce. Clark lands in the dead centre of Metropolis instead of outside of Smallville and becomes a government asset, never knowing friends, the sun or becoming Clark Kent. Aquaman and wonder Woman wage a metahuman World War against each other, destroying Europe in the process. Villains become good guys, Hal Jordan never became a Lanturn, and Joe Chill murders Bruce Wayne in Crime Alley. Though in this last regard it still created The Batman as Thomas Wayne takes up the mantle (though in a very different way than his son) and it also turns Martha Wayne into the Joker.
These are just some examples of what a simple change in the timeline does. The Butterfly Effect may simply be a Chaos theory, but there are numerous stories and examples of what it could do.
Now, I’m not about to spoil the entire movie here but I am going to say the following: I am not used to characters being thrown away so easily in a storyline. Getting rid of the fact that everyone dies anyway in the big finale (the change in time is reverted so the timeline never happens in the first place), I did not expect the cruelty that the fallen heroes displayed towards hero and villain alike. And not just off screen but in full view as well. Thank god for off screen deaths because I honestly wouldn’t be able to bear Diana killing Billy Batson in cold blood. Others include Lex Luthor and Deathstroke who both got a bare five minutes of screen time before kicking the bucket. Cyborg dies in a heart wrenching manner, Grifter in another gruesome one though not before killing enough Amazons with him. Hal Jordan even willingly accepts a kamikaze attack. The list is longer, but go see for yourself.
Now where am I going with all of this? I haven’t the foggiest. Perhaps I’m not that accustomed to DC cruelty as the veteran Batman or Superman or Flash fanatic. What I do know is that this is by far the most cruel DC story arc of them all. Present me with another arc where they blatantly toss around important characters only to kill them in cold blood after only a mere 5 minutes. Perhaps there is, not a clue. I’m not stopping my digging.
But as cruel as it may be, it’s also the most compelling story arc I’ve seen. One of the most beautiful. It also gives us a perfect insight into a question that many of the fans have been asking themselves for as long as they have been following a certain hero or universe: What if.
What IF Bruce had died that night. What IF Barry’s mother did not die. What IF Clark landed just that little bit further. Or better yet, what IF a superhero had the power to go back in time and save that one person. What would it change?
Barry Allen got the full blast of that one question.
Whatever the opinions may be, The Flashpoint Paradox is an absolute must watch for every DC or Marvel or Superhero fan out there. The animation is top notch and the story line is about as deep and compelling as Bruce Wayne’s personality. The voice acting is spot on and you might even recognize some voices, such as Grey Delisle-Griffin and Steve Blum (both famous, but not solemnly because of Avatar), Kevin Conroy and Ron Perlman and Jennifer Hale.
DC outdid themselves with this movie and I cannot recommend it more.
With that being said, I bid you a good day.
(written for Tumblr and Blogger)
WHEN VOICE ACTORS COSPLAY AS THEIR CHARACTERS THE ANGELS SING
OH MY GOD
KILL ME I’M GONE
I HIT THE REBLOG BUTTON SO FAST I’M SURPRISED I DIDN’T BREAK IT
I think she made her mama proud
I’ve never been one to make my opinion a stamp on the internet. But this time around, it’s just so ridiculous I cannot help myself.
So according to Steven Hansen, contributor at www.destructoid.com, the console war is over.
We learned on the 3rd of september that the Xbox One would support 8 controllers at once, while Sony chief Shuhei Yoshida confirmed through the Twitters that PS4 would only support 4, coming from PS3’s 7.
The article on Destructoid is not long and as I am writing this, it barely got written 8 hours ago. But this is just one huge ball of silly.
Comments on the Xbox one article said that PS3’s 7 setup was amazing for sportsgames. So now that PS4 downgraded to 4 and Xbox One has 8, we can officially declare the console war over and Xbox one the winner.
I’m not bashing on Destructoid, it has some great articles from time to time, but this one is just way ahead of himself OR he’s just stating false truths. Because lets get facts straight. The amount of flaws that Xbox one had since it was announced, were too many. Gamers all around the globe got up to protest, to let their voice be heard. And Microsoft did respond. They addressed several issues the gamers had and made their work of it. The One is not a bad console, but damage has been done. In my personal opinion, the PS4 is a better console for gamers. So who cares if it only has 4 controllers? Are you really going to whine over sports games, which is simply the same game over and over again (seriously, people, do we really need a new fifa every year that is the same game with just that one extra player, team or mode in it)?
And frankly, IF I were to have any complaints about the amount of controllers PS4 and Xbox One have, it’s to be that I think 8 controllers is just too damn many. In exactly how many pieces do you want to split my screen? I don’t know about you but 1/4th of a whole is better and bigger than 1/8th.
The console war in itself is just pure bullshit too. It’s just an imaginary war Sony and Microsoft fanboys have to make the e-peens grow because they want THEIR console to be the best. Guys. Really. Consoles are amazing, but after 5 months of release, PC kicks the crap out of a console. Hardware and software can be changed on a PC, not on a console. Always has been, always will be. The moment where a console can switch it’s hardware, I will deem it a PC. Period.
Think about it. You can connect your PC with your TV. You can use a controller on a PC. You can surf the web easily on a PC. You can watch films on a PC, you can get VOIP on a PC without bullshit, etc etc…
No, I am NOT proclaiming to follow suit on Yahtzee’s Glorious PC Masterrace opinion, but I get where he’s coming from.
You know what consoles are? Cheaper options for people who want to play next gen games but don’t have the money to upgrade their PC every 5 months. That’s it. You can Curse, laugh, complain all you want but that is simply the hard truth.
So conclusion: NO the console war is not over because Xbox One has more controllers than PS4. It never was a war to begin with.
You wanna buy an Xbox One, fine. You wanna get a PS4, go for it. You’re saving your money to upgrade your PC into a bad-ass gaming rig that makes TotalBiscuits machine look like a medieval piece of Fei-uh (don’t get your hopes up, darling), you have my consent.
But don’t go proclaiming silly shit like this. Two different consoles, two different methods, ONE COMMUNITY. We are gamers. The only war we fight as a gamer are the ones INSIDE THE GAMES.
(Written for Tumblr and Blogger)
You do know that this was a different voice, right?
Jeremy Irons had hurt his voice with the “YOU WON’T GET A SNIFF WITHOUT ME” line, so Jim Cummings (The voice of ED(!!!)) took over for the part posted here.
The wonder he is indeed.
Surrounded by them.
Their ominous green threats clear.
But trees are friends, right?
The Mad hatter waits
Patiently for his tea cup
From Alice’s corps
Dancing lit wicks in the wind
Snuffed by a hurricane
Cutting and Lashing
And stabbing and STOP
again from the top
Each stroke is a stroke
You cannot take back
Each strike be struck
in a focused attack
Each scar a lesson
that needs to be heard
Each scar a memento,
a piece of a word
Make whole the word,
complete the rhyme
Leaving it so
is a sinful crime
You create art
in rhyme and in ink
Now read your poem,
correct and THINK
What do you mean Finding Nemo came out 10 years ago??!!!
Up came out in 2009!?!?!?
I am ooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what the fuck toy story did not come out 18 years ago nonononnonoonooo
wow wall-e is an older movie than i thought
…. well BALLS TO THAT.